Rebuilding your walls
Earlier this week, during a death moment, I was going through a recovery book that I received from fellow blogger Kinzi Jones. A chapter in this recovery course talks about the story of Nehemiah and his will to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. I’m not at all religious but that doesn’t make this story less inspirational.
When Nehemiah arrived in Jerusalem, he got a lot of problems thrown on his plate. He didn’t just take the easiest way and left. No, he decided to face the problems, to feel the pain, to talk about it (in his prayers to God), to ask for help and to look at the damage that was done. Of course Nehemiah couldn’t do such a big job on his own, therefor he had to ask people to help him. Back then it wasn’t much different than now, he was facing opposition. People didn’t want to see him succeed and they tried to stop him in all possible ways. But Nehemiah didn’t gave up. Some of the people he worked with did want to quit at times, but he was there for them, encouraging them to stand strong. Another one of his steps along the rebuilding process was to renew relationships. Not only physical relationships (with family members and loved ones), but also the relationship with his inner self and with God. Although it wasn’t an easy job, Nehemiah succeeded and rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem in just 52 (!!) days.
These steps Nehemiah went through are the same steps anyone trying to recover (from any kind of abuse, addiction, etc…) needs to go through.
You need to face the past, what you went through and break denial. This is the very first step and without this, you cannot start your recovery. You need to grieve the pain. Society teaches us to be strong and to not weep. If you want to get over something, you want to heal, then you need to give yourself permission to feel the pain of the damage that was done to you. (step 2) You need to talk about it (with a friend, a family member, someone you can trust) or write it down. It’s important to put words to your pain. (step 3) Step 4 is to ask for help. It might be one of the hardest steps. Reaching out to someone doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are strong because you want to speak up, you want to heal. You are showing faith in the person you choose to help you.
After asking for help, you need to take a look at how the past has affected your life and the way you relate to your world. (step 5) Just like Nehemiah, you need to find people that you can build on, people who will walk by your side along the road of recovery. (step 6) Step 7 and 8 are talking about Opposition and Disruption. I think everyone that went through hard times and tried to look for positive things has experienced this. Either from people around you that stop believing in you, that give you a hard time, or from inside you, when you lose hope that things can ever get better. The final step in the program talks about renew the relationships (step 9) . One of the things included in this is that you have to love yourself and care about yourself, which isn’t always easy (at least not for me).
Now i didn’t expect this post to be so long. I started writing and I wanted to include the steps because I know it might trigger some self reflection for people reading this and going through a hard time. I can easily write it down, but the road to recovery is not that easy. If you really want to step down that road, you already transformed from a victim into a survivor, but the road will still be long, hard and painful, but it’ll be worth it in the end!