My eating disorder – chapter 1
For days I’ve been thinking about today’s blog post. I couldn’t figure out how to start it, what way to write things down and how to end it. I guess I don’t need to keep finding excuses to avoid the subject, since I wouldn’t do myself any favor.
When I was 7 years old, my parents sent me to conservatory. It started really easy: learning notes and singing and a very little bit of music theory. I loved singing, but what I enjoyed even more about the conservatory was the small grocery store nearby that was selling candy. I’m not proud to confess this, but I would steal money from my parent’s piggy bank to be able to buy candy every week. When stealing money wasn’t enough anymore I would just steal candy in the shop. When the owner would turn his back, I would quickly put a handfull of candy in my pocket. After a couple of months, I was able to steal more candy than the amount I would actually buy.
I could never get enough candy. I would literally eat myself sick. When stealing candy wasn’t enough anymore, I would steal food from my parents’ food storage room. We never had much candy in the house, but I would steal biscuits, chips, chocolate spread, crackers, cereals… anything that would satisfy my hunger for junkfood. After many months, I didn’t control it anymore and one day, my mum noticed that food was missing. She asked me if I had anything to do with it, but I denied. I was only child and my mum grew out of believing in dwarfs or other fairy tale creatures, so there was no way it wouldn’t have been me. She went through the drawers under my bed and discovered all the empty wraps and boxes. I went histerical. I was screaming and crying. So much that my mum was just laughing out loud. I don’t know why, but the way she laughed it looked like the whole scene was very hilarious to her.
This took place ages ago. I torture my mind and memory trying to put a time stamp on this memories, but I really can’t. Roughly I’d say this took place 18 to 11 years ago. If only back then I would have known to what it would lead…