Borderline Personality Disorder – The Symptoms
(…) People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships. (…)
Oh gosh… How much I hate those extremes. I can wake up feeling so good, let’s say 12 out of 10 and in a few hours I can be a zero out of 10. I just cannot control it and it makes me so upset. I think those swings are the hardest part for me, because they come without a reason. My boyfriend can ask me a million times what is wrong and I can’t tell. Because I don’t know. I just feel bad, all of a sudden, for no reason.
(…) Other symptoms of BPD include:
- Fear of being abandonedYes. I’m not worth a thing. They will leave me. They deserve better.
- Feelings of emptiness and boredomYes. It’s hard to describe: I feel empty. There’s a big hole inside me. I can’t explain. If I would be creative, I’d draw it.
- Frequent displays of inappropriate angerYes. All of a sudden. But not in public. I mean: I don’t want people to see me as a total weirdo. But ask my boyfriend, he knows. I get angry, I get aggressive. Just like this, for no reason.
- Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shopliftingOh yes. At least for the money and the eating part. It just happens and afterwards, I feel worse. I feel stupid, I feel sad and I feel like I’ve betrayed myself.
- Intolerance of being aloneYes yes yes. When I’m alone, I think or I feel empty. At least when people are around, I can’t think too much. Their presence keeps me busy. On the other hand, sometimes I can’t handle having people around.
- Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosingUnfortunately, yes. My body carries the scars of cuts and burns.